Parenting Phases

(originally posted somewhere else June 9, 2007)

I just uploaded a couple of pictures to my profile, and not for the first time, I've gotten to thinking about how odd it is to have a son who is entering the crazy world of puberty and an infant son too.

I also have an eight year old son, but he's on autopilot at the moment - generally happy, goofy, not thinking about girls but doesn't need to be supervised all of the time ... not trying to leave him out (the curse of the middle child), this one just isn't about him.

So on the one hand, I have an 11 year old son - 5'4", size 9 shoes (bigger than my boat feet), a faint shadow of a mustache, and claims of chest hair which I have yet to verify. He will be watching a movie in school next week about the changes his body will go through and is looking forward to it in a giggly 11 year old way, but does not want to talk about it at all with Mom. At all. He desperately needs the discussion, though, as his brain has made some interesting logical leaps regarding unknown anatomy. For example, being unaware of vaginas, he explained to me several months ago that women go to the bathroom sitting down because they don't have a penis and so everything has to come out of the anus. Standing up would be a mess. Makes sense, but completely incorrect.

I remember making my own bizarre associations as a youngster - oddly, also because of an unawareness of a vagina. I knew that sex involved some kind of transmission of fluids "down there," and I knew it meant something came out of the man and went into the woman. I also knew "it" (whatever that was) came out of the penis and that men also urinated from the penis, so it seemed logical that "it" probably had to go into the woman via her urethra.

Given that process, I did not understand at all how sex could be fun. It seemed like a very tedious task indeed to line up those holes exactly so that the transfer could be made, and I really didn't get the hype.

But I digress ...

I waited all last year for him to ask how I got pregnant and when the question never came, I didn't know whether to be relieved or concerned. Relieved because I don't want him to be thinking about that - he's still my baby and all - but concerned because maybe he didn't ask because he already knows. This is a kid who still seems to believe in Santa, but who could technically BE Santa in just a couple short years if he isn't taught well.

When it came time to go to the hospital, we didn't have to have any conversations about how babies are born because I had a planned C-Section. As far as my kids know, kids really do come out of a zippered opening in the belly.

And now, he has an infant brother. In a way, I think this is a very, very good thing. He knows how high maintenance a baby is, and he also knows how special he is. He and his brother adore their baby sibling (my middle boy told me the other day that "life was boring" before his little brother was born), but they also think poopy diapers and congealed puked formula are really gross. They love to play with him, but they also hear him screaming in the middle of the night and have both gotten up to try to quiet him when I didn't get there quickly enough (because I was trying to see if he'd go back to sleep). They love his babbling but hate the crying. He's a fun toy but he's also the reason we have to go to movies in shifts nowadays, if we go at all.

Meanwhile, for me, the challenge of different parenting styles is in play. I have one who needs to be guided more than told what to do anymore, one who needs to start moving towards that stage, and one who is just learning the word "no." This is a serious matter, and I am trying very hard to keep everyone separate - mostly, to not be a toddler parent to the one about to enter puberty. I guess in a nutshell, it's hard to switch back and forth between parenting one who is about to find his wings and another who has yet to find his legs.

Anyway, just kinda pondering lately. Gotta run ... baby's squealing and oldest wants to play PSP instead of entertain him. Can't blame him.