Office Irritants

(originally posted somewhere else February 6, 2006)

Today's helpful hints focuson social interactions within the workplace. It is a bit of a rant, and I apologize in advance if anything that I say reminds you of yourself. On the other hand, if you do recognize some of your habits here - change them. I guarantee you that they aren't helping you win friends and influence people in your office.

1. Do not, under any circumstances, start a conversation in the hall with any of the following: "Are we having fun yet?" "Working hard or hardly working?" "How's it going there?" "Is it Friday yet?"

2. First thing in the morning, do not say the above but further, just say hello and be on your way. Most people are not chipper folks who are thrilled to be at work. If you are a morning person and your co-worker is not, he/she will not appreciate how full of energy you are. If neither of you are morning people, he/she will wonder why you're participating in the "good morning, how are you, how about that American Idol, eh?" charade. Just say good morning and give each other some time to wake up.

3. Keep the drama to a minimum. Very rarely do people want to hear all of the gory details of your life, and if they do - think about why that might be.

4. Do not ever - EVER - cook fish in the office microwave. That should be grounds for immediate termination. Anything you put in the microwave should be covered in order to prevent eruptions and if you do make a mess (I don't know why I have to even say this) - clean it up.

5. And as for those dirty dishes - what, were you born in a barn? Rinse your plates off and put them in the dishwasher, and don't load the dishwasher like a moron. Don't make the poor cuss who gets to unload it the next day deal with your crusty oatmeal bowl. That stuff's like cement when it dries and you know it.

6. Would it kill you to make a pot of coffee? Seems like it's always the same people making coffee, the sainted souls (I'm not one of them, I drink coffee maybe once a week), and it's because of jerks who bring in their Big Gulp sized "travel" cups and empty most of a pot at a time in one serving. I know it's happened to you - you start a pot, step away to do something really quickly, and come back to an empty pot. Grr!

7. Don't go plop yourself down in a co-worker's office uninvited. ESPECIALLY first thing in the morning (see rule 2), and especially if it's to recap last night's capers (see rule 3). They have work to do, you have work to do, and the boss isn't going to like seeing you jibber jabbering on company time.

8. The refrigerator is not a Biosphere experiment. Have a little consideration for your co-workers' noses and gag reflexes.

9. You do not have to be heard at every single meeting. Sometimes it's OK just to be a listener and not a contributor.

10. I can't think of a Number 10 right now - but I'm sure some of you can ...