Ziploc Omelets??

(originally posted somewhere else 9/23/06)

I don't even know where to start. This isn't in the vein of my usual "dumb things" posts, since this isn't something that you buy and then never use and give away to someone else who also won't use it but at least wasn't a big enough sucker to actually spend money on it. This is something I received via e-mail, just an idea for a neat way to cook an omelet - except that it isn't.

A word or two about chain e-mails, first. I'm not going to try to write something witty about how you aren't going to actually get a check from Microsoft or AOL if you pass one along, or you're somehow going to raise money for a poor sick child by forwarding another one, or will see something really cool on your computer if you send it to ten people, or will somehow have better luck if you have faith in the chain and keep it going. If you are stupid enough to think that 1) it's possible, and 2) it's a good thing if Microsoft or AOL could actually track your e-mails that closely, or that an e-mail is smart enough to deposit a program on your system if you forward a specific number of items (viruses, people, VIRUSES), or that e-mail chains convey luck ... well, I just don't know what can be done for you. BUT, I would ask everyone to please do this courtesy to the unfortunate recipients of your compulsive forwarding. Go to snopes.com BEFORE you send that warning about gangbangers who will shoot you if you drive with your headlights on, or the one about not going outside your home if you hear a baby crying, or maybe the one about attackers hiding under your car with a knife so they can slash your ankles. Put in a few search times ("leukemia," "headlights," "crying baby," and "ankles" will all work for the examples I've used) and see if the warning you're about to send is true.

Or, don't check Snopes - just use a little smidge of common sense and consider that a mail with no dates, no references, no sources (besides, "I got this from an attorney friend of mine, so it must be real") is probably not true. Don't forward it. OK? Thanks.

Anyhoo. I received an e-mail this evening with a "recipe" for ziploc omelets. There were pictures attached, which I won't insert, but here's the text:

This is a great idea. Can't wait to try it. Quick and easy and no mess.

ZIPLOC OMELET.

(This works great when your family is all together and no one has to wait for his/her special omelet).

Have your guests write their names on a Quart-size Ziploc freezer bag with permanent marker.

Crack 2 eggs (large or extra-large) into the bag (not more than 2) shake to combine them.

Put out a variety of ingredients such as: cheeses, ham, onion, green pepper, tomato, hash browns, salsa, etc. and ask your guests to add whatever they would like to their bags and shake them.

Make sure to get the air out of the bags and zip them up.

Place the bags into rolling, boiling water for exactly 13 minutes. (You can usually cook 6-8 omelets in a large pot.)

When you open the bags and the omelet will roll out easily. Be prepared for everyone to be amazed.

This is nice to serve with fresh fruit and coffee cake; everyone gets involved in the process; and it's a great conversation piece.

Imagine having these ready the night before, and putting the bag in boiling water while you get ready. And in 13 minutes, you got a nice omelet for a quick breakfast!

OK folks, let's list a few of the dumb things in this recipe, real slow like.

1) You don't want to surround yourself with people who would be "amazed" by this.

2) Chopping all of this stuff up just so everyone can make their own omelet is not how you make a quick breakfast.

3) THIRTEEN MINUTES? Are you kidding me? Besides all of the time you spent making individualized ingredients for your guests and bringing your water to a boil, how the hell is thirteen minutes a "quick" breakfast?

4) The oddness of asking someone to "imagine" having them done the night before, as if this was some nirvana achieving venture, speaks to a pathetic little life.

I made eggs, over easy, with toast this morning for my kids. It took about 4 minutes, start to finish. If I'd wanted to scramble instead, I could have tossed a little cheese in there and then added some salsa afterwards - I'll add 15 seconds to my time for that culinary extravagance. Granted, I wasn't trying to give him a whole lot of options as to how they wanted their eggs cooked, since they're kids and all, and I suppose if I had a bunch of family in town and wanted to cook to impress, I might offer a few more options for add-ins ... but then again, cooking eggs in a plastic bag is NOT how I would set out to impress anyone.

Just for giggles, I'd give approval for this dumb project as a competitive sport. Have one person make an omelet with their ziploc bag, have another person make their scrambled eggs (because really - that's what we're talking about here, not "omelets") the regular way, and let's see who's finished first. I'd even say that the person who
made them in a regular pan has to add in cleanup time. They'd still win, because although they have to wash and dry the pan, they don't have to wait several hundred years for the ziploc bag to go away.

Don't do this. It's dumb.